Mia Doreen George

Professor Meaks

ENGL 21001-R

CCNY: S-209

3/17/26

                               Reflection on: Difficult at Parties 

Introduction: For this piece it was really important to me that I approached it with sensitivity and empathy as I was dealing with a heavier topic of Sexual Assault and its effects on people. I incorporated better paragraph breaks to make the piece better to digest for my portfolio. I also included more detail when speaking about the idea of ones ‘veil of safety’ being violated. In the future I want to focus on how I can better approach these topics so I can talk about them with as much sensitivity and respect as possible.

A dress designed by LeMÁine after their experience with sexual assault. They say in their explanation of the piece – “I feel like someone’s taken all my skin off (…), like I’d lost my ability to heal, lost my ability to protect myself, and had my identity stripped away. (…) [I had] no protective layer to keep me safe.”

Pertaining to the short story “Difficult at Parties”, a part of the compilation piece ‘Her Body & Other Parties’ by Carmen Machado, we can ask the question of: “How does your estranged relationship with your body estrange you from the other parts of yourself.”

We see the main character try to return to normal after her experience with sexual assault, and her loved ones trying their best to be there for her, and help to heal her as best they can. However, with a mix of both surreal and real outcomes that follow this horrible event she survived, we feel the almost claustrophobic feeling she may feel as trying to acclimate back into a life she doesn’t feel she belongs to anymore. She begins hearing the voices of porn stars as she watches explicit films. This could represent how she feels a connection to the female porn star, who is possibly a victim like she is – however, instead of a man like our main character, the porn star’s monster may be the industry and system feeding off of her body and falsified pleasure.

Our main character also loses a bit of touch with her boyfriend, Paul, as he tries his best to respect her body. He stays away, treating her as fragile. She feels the residual fear rest in her body. Her home no longer feels like a home, but rather a waiting ground as her nervous system waits for her monster to come and hurt her again. She locks doors multiple times, always checking for a slip in the veil of safety. Now believing that the veil is nothing but a facade of safety. Paul tries to reassure her of her safety, but of course, external factors cannot sway this unease. Only internally can one begin the motion of healing, but that takes a lot of time to push oneself in that direction.

All of this is a reflection on what can be lost, or out of touch after such tragic events of one’s safety and autonomy being so severely violated for another to feel powerful. It leaves one stranded to find their way back to their own body, home, and loved ones again. It leaves one to be stuck hearing the phantom snarl of a predator behind them, running, until they find their way back to themselves. It takes so much away. It is a torrent of violence, a cacophony of the unheard, and a temple now in ruins. In the end, it is the victim, the survivor, left to be their own hero at the end of the day, and rebuild, be the ear to hear themself, and heal themself in ways others may try–but unfortunately cannot. This piece also makes us think of other monsters that may be afoot. From man, to system, to eyes, to industries, etc. It also makes us think of how we may choose to snarl, growl, and bite back in a manner that is so vicious, we hopefully may never have to do it again.

• Mia Doreen George